mikemdp

(2012-04-30 20:29:45)

Silly, comic book action, if not altogether satisfying

This film by low-budget direct-to-DVD house The Asylum is a mixed bagof silly, comic book action, uneven visual effects and even more unevenacting. The end result is ultimately a fun, if not altogethersatisfying, time waster.It's not a straight mockbuster of any "Three Musketeers" movie inAsylum's usual "Transmorphers" kind of way. Except for the title andsome character names from the Dumas novel, the movie better resembles a"Charlie's Angels" film, as its plot centers around a team of actionheroes attempting to stop a conspiracy to incite World War III.The team code-named "Musketeers" consists of, predictably, spies whoseown code names are Athos, Porthos and Aramis. They're joined later byan exotic-looking female spy named D'Artagnan who claims to be a directdescendant of the real one. Their enemy: A guy code-named "TheCardinal" (natch) who for reasons unclear wants to start a global warby killing the president.The actors in the Musketeer roles are not too bad and actually appearto be having some fun, which is rare for The Asylum. Arguably the twosorest points in most Asylum productions is that their preposterous,low-budget movies are presented dead seriously, and that their has-beenactors like Greg Evigan seem mortified to be appearing in them.Not so here, where martial artist XIN is so charismatic as Athos you'llhope to see him in a better kung fu movie, lovely Michele Boyd asAramis is reminiscent of Meg Ryan circa "Innerspace," Keith Allanchannels Jeff Goldblum as brainy Porthos who spouts '80s pop culturereferences like "The light is green, the trap is clean," and HeatherHemmens (of the CW's "Hellcats") actually makes you believe a CostaRican hottie could be the direct descendant of a 17th Century Frenchguard.But again, as with most Asylum movies, other cast members are so badyou'll wonder who on the production team they must be related to/havepaid off/had sexual relations with to land their roles. Alan Rachins isso flat-out awful as the Cardinal he comes off as someone's old collegeacting teacher given the part as a favor. He pulls down every scenehe's in so badly the movie actually appears to freeze-frame every timehe comes on screen. Where's Barry Bostwick when you need him? Digitaleffects by Tiny Juggernaut are typically bargain basement, but not somuch that they ruin the show. This is, after all, comic book melodrama,so it's OK by me if the jet planes and rockets look a little cartoony.It's mindless fun that's worth a look on Netflix or maybe picked upused for a couple of bucks. Paying any more for it would be a biggercrime than World War III.

eneguepogi

(2012-04-30 16:32:24)

A complete waste of time...

I never imagined getting frustrated watching a movie so patheticallymade. I'm not sure what the producers are thinking using 3 musketeersas a title. they made a mockery on the original in order to gain a hypeto watch this movie. I'm completely disgusted! if anyone is planning tosee this movie, please spare your misery and don't watch this as thismight just ruin your day. I suggest go out and have time with yourfamily instead. All in all Fast forward button was my friend watchingthis movie. All in all I rate this movie 2 of 10. If you are to watchthis movie, don't get your hopes high as you will definitely just wasteyour time.